When a parent dies, it most often is a very emotional time for the children that are left behind. It is extremely difficult to deal with the loss of not only a loving provider but also a best friend, mentor, confidant and so much more. Watching a parent on life support can add an extra layer of emotions as a child struggles with making a decision that involves choosing between ending a parent's life or watching machines keep alive someone they don't completely recognize anymore.
In these situations, even where there is a clear directive executed by the parent over whether or not to remain on life support, it is a painful time for the children. Sometimes a child feels as though they are "giving up" if they follow the directive as is one daughter who is currently struggling with the difficult situation.
The father wrote a living will in 2004 that made it very clear that he didn't want to be kept alive by artificial means. That situation recently came about due to a serious illness and two daughters were left to watch his body slowly fail. One of the daughters was designated as his health care representative in the estate planning documents and as noted above his intentions were clearly stated.
The other daughter was not named as his health care representative but has acted as the primary caregiver over the past few years. She said that it isn't the clarity of the documents that are at issue, but whether or not he still has capacity after she says he recently asked for food and water. The father's feeding tube and ventilator was removed this month, an action that the second daughter is trying to undo before it is too late to do so.
In situations such as this, it isn't that either child loves their father more than the other. It is often the opposite, children who both love their parent but are dealing with the pain and possible loss in different ways. One way to help them in this time of need is to discuss your wishes with them when executing clear directives that will control. Sometimes, these emotions are unavoidable, but clear estate planning documents will allow for quick legal resolution instead of a drawn-out situation.
Source: Indy Star, "Daughter vows to fight on for her gravely ill Carmel father," Jan. 17, 2013
Our Florida law firm helps those who want to draft a power of attorney to make health care decisions in the future and help in disputes that arise after the death of a loved one.
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