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When joining a newly blended family, there's sure to be some tension in the household, especially when children (under 18) are dealing with loss or absence of a biological parent, and are now dealing with a new mother or father figure.

Can we agree that step-parents have a responsibility to unconditionally love their step-children? Even if it doesn't come easy, or natural, it's the step-parents responsibility to treat their step-children as their own? Right? But does the same apply to the step-children? Is it their responsibility to unconditionally love their step-parent?

I thought about this, trying to place myself in this very situation. If I were a step-parent, I would do my utmost best to show unconditional love to my step-children. But I wouldn't expect them to call me mum, nor would I ever pressure them to do so. I think as long as they are respectful to me, that's good enough under the circumstances, I can't force them to love me like their biological mother (who has either passed, or is absence due to divorce) because I'm NOT their mother. I find it selfish that some step-parents push kids to call them "mother" or "father". If the kids come around right off the bat, or even gradually, great -- but don't force it. From the kids' perspectives.. I think respect is all that is needed towards their step-parent. I don't believe they are required to love their step-parent as THEIR parent because they already have a mother/father.. Just not living in the household anymore. In addition, the children are not responsible for either the death or divorce, so to pressure kids to show unconditional love towards a step-parent is a bit rough -- respect -- absolutely but not necessarily love as with their biological parent.

Thoughts? (This topic stems from yet another Hallmark movie I've watched this week.. Lol).

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Quote:

When joining a newly blended family, there's sure to be some tension in the household, especially when children (under 18) are dealing with loss or absence of a biological parent, and are now dealing with a new mother or father figure.

Can we agree that step-parents have a responsibility to unconditionally love their step-children? Even if it doesn't come easy, or natural, it's the step-parents responsibility to treat their step-children as their own? Right?...

I wouldn't agree that a step-parent would treat their step-children exactly as their own. When is comes to discipline that should be the responsibility of the biological parent and not the step parent.

M.

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My husband had full custody of his two children from his former marriage. I raised my step-children since they were the ages of 2 and 4. They were calling me mom before DH and I were even married (which did not go over well with their biological mother). They wanted to call me "mom". They wanted a mom in their life, not a part time parent. I did not give them birth, but I loved them, sacrificed for them, gave them my all as I did with my own biological children. There was no distinction between them and my biological children in our home. I disciplined them as i did my own (which worked, I think, because they were so young when DH and I married). I believe step-children should respect their step-parent just as they would their biological parent. Who is the one cooking their meals, washing their laundry, buying their clothes, taking care of them in illness, helping them with homework, making Halloween costumes for them, loving them etc.? In my case, it was me, the step-parent.

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Quote:

My husband had full custody of his two children from his former marriage. I raised my step-children since they were the ages of 2 and 4. They were calling me mom before DH and I were even married (which did not go over well with their biological mother). They wanted to call me "mom". They wanted a mom in their life, not a part time parent. I did not give them birth, but I loved them, sacrificed for them, gave them my all as I did with my own biological children. There was no distinction between them and my biological children in our home. I disciplined them as i did my own (which worked, I think, because they were so young when DH and I married). I believe step-children should respect their step-parent just as they would their biological parent. Who is the one cooking their meals, washing their laundry, buying their clothes, taking care of them in illness, helping them with homework, making Halloween costumes for them, loving them etc.? In my case, it was me, the step-parent.

Thanks for sharing. I think when children are very young, there's less tension. I think when they're school-aged, especially preteens and teenagers, the adjustment can be very challenging. __________________


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Quote:

I wouldn't agree that a step-parent would treat their step-children exactly as their own. When is comes to discipline that should be the responsibility of the biological parent and not the step parent.

M.

I disagree. And this is why more often than not, the losers in a blended family are the children. Step-parents hold the same influence on the children as the biological parents. The conflict between biological parents and their spouses should not bleed into the children. When you're in a blended family, the discipline of the children should remain consistent regardless of biological/step parenting. Therefore, how the biological parent and the step parent handle discipline should be consistent across all children - step or biological. And all parents are responsible for it. Just because you're a step-parent does not give you the option to pass.
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Quote:

When joining a newly blended family, there's sure to be some tension in the household, especially when children (under 18) are dealing with loss or absence of a biological parent, and are now dealing with a new mother or father figure.

Can we agree that step-parents have a responsibility to unconditionally love their step-children? Even if it doesn't come easy, or natural, it's the step-parents responsibility to treat their step-children as their own? Right? But does the same apply to the step-children? Is it their responsibility to unconditionally love their step-parent?

I thought about this, trying to place myself in this very situation. If I were a step-parent, I would do my utmost best to show unconditional love to my step-children. But I wouldn't expect them to call me mum, nor would I ever pressure them to do so. I think as long as they are respectful to me, that's good enough under the circumstances, I can't force them to love me like their biological mother (who has either passed, or is absence due to divorce) because I'm NOT their mother. I find it selfish that some step-parents push kids to call them "mother" or "father". If the kids come around right off the bat, or even gradually, great -- but don't force it. From the kids' perspectives.. I think respect is all that is needed towards their step-parent. I don't believe they are required to love their step-parent as THEIR parent because they already have a mother/father.. Just not living in the household anymore. In addition, the children are not responsible for either the death or divorce, so to pressure kids to show unconditional love towards a step-parent is a bit rough -- respect -- absolutely but not necessarily love as with their biological parent.

Thoughts? (This topic stems from yet another Hallmark movie I've watched this week.. Lol).

I agree with you here.

The parents chose to break the family. The children didn't. They are not obligated to love step-parents but they are obligated to show them respect.




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