When faced with a big decision, we weigh out the cost/benefit, pros/cons, and ultimately, use our gut instinct to make the right choices. When hiring someone for a job, we review the resume carefully, interview the candidate, and call past employers to gain a sense of this person?s experience and aptitude for the job. When we meet someone we give them our time, decide to share our life, our heart and even our future. Why then, don?t we ask for references when we are dating someone?
Think of it this way?if you asked for references when you met your ex (got the chance to talk to his ex about him)?do you think you would have still dated him? You could have possibly avoided heartbreak, because you wouldn?t have gotten involved. You likely would have found out valuable information from his ex, and your decision-making would not have been so clouded by the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
Unfortunately it would be odd if we asked for references but?.
In relationships, discussing the exes, especially the reasons leading to the break-up, may be the answer! Knowing this information could be infinitely helpful. If your boyfriend?s last relationship ended because he didn?t want to commit, or because he didn?t get along with her family accessing this information could provide insight. Even the way he talks about his ex would provide you with information. Does he blame her for everything? Does he not want to talk about her at all?
Sure, hearing about past loves in great detail can cause you to feel jealous, mistrusting, and even angry, but I have to wonder, don?t our past relationships shape who we are now? Why can we discuss what we?ve learned in school, at work, from our families, but what we have learnt from our intimate relationships is off limits?
The chances are that if you approached your partner?s ex with questions, you would receive a flippant remark, and create an argument at home. However, if you try your best to find out about how your ex?s past relationships ended, and perhaps what his ex would say about him, you could save yourself some heartache. I don?t have a suggestion on bridging the gap between you and your partner?s ex, but oh, wouldn?t these big, life-changing decisions be easier if we could only ask the ex?
?
Source: http://www.nicolemccance.com/blog/2012/12/28/treat-dating-like-interviewing-and-ask-for-references/
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